Anonymous
High School
August/September 2024
Tyler adjusted his shirt for the seventeenth time, his blonde hair sticking up in all the wrong places, as he stared at the equation scribbled on the chalkboard.
"This can't be right," he muttered to himself. "I carried the three, multiplied the x, and... wait, did I divide by zero? Am I... that guy?" His face went pale, as if he had just broken one of the sacred laws of nerd hood.
Nakshatra, who had been silently reviewing his own notes with the intensity of a Jedi master, finally spoke up. "You’re literally trying to divide by zero again, Tyler. Remember what happened last time?"
Tyler froze, the memory flashing before his eyes. It had been last semester during their calculus final. He tried dividing by zero in front of the entire class, and instead of the black hole they expected, he created an awkward silence so intense that even Professor Willis started sweating. No one had dared to speak to him for a week afterward.
"Listen," Nakshatra said, flipping his black hair like he was auditioning for a shampoo commercial. "You can’t just force math to work for you. Math is like... like the laws of thermodynamics. You can't break them."
Tyler crossed his arms, determined. "But maybe... maybe I'm the one who can bend the laws. Just a little. Like Einstein did."
Nakshatra raised an eyebrow. "Bro. Einstein didn't 'bend' laws. He just wrote a really, really confusing essay and everyone thought it was so brilliant that no one wanted to admit they didn’t get it."
Tyler stared, unblinking. "So, you're saying if I write an essay... I could be a genius too?"
"Tyler, no. That's... not—wait." Nakshatra paused. "Are you... trying to find an easy way to get through life by confusing people?"
Tyler shrugged, nonchalantly. "Look, I just think people who don't understand math should fear those of us who do. It’s basic algebra."
Nakshatra sighed, running a hand through his hair. "This is why we’re both single."
"Hey, that's not true!" Tyler protested. "We're... we're just... emotionally unavailable. Because we’re so... intellectually... focused."
Nakshatra raised an eyebrow again. "Uh-huh. Sure."
"Besides," Tyler added, "if I ever needed to impress someone, I'd just drop some quantum physics. You know, like 'Hey girl, did you know Schrödinger’s cat is single too?'"
Nakshatra stared at him, deadpan. "That's... probably why we're single. That exact sentence."
Tyler frowned. "Okay, fine. What would you say to a girl then?"
Nakshatra smirked. "Easy. 'Hey, want to come over and help me solve Fermat's Last Theorem?'"
"That’s literally worse!"
"No, it's not!" Nakshatra argued. "It’s romantic. I’m asking for her help! And also, it’s historically significant. Women love that."
"Do they?" Tyler asked, unsure.
"Totally," Nakshatra replied confidently, despite having never actually spoken to a woman in this context.
Tyler sighed and slumped down in his chair, staring at the unsolved equation again. "Maybe we should just stick to math and science."
"Yeah," Nakshatra agreed. "Because at least we understand those laws. Mostly."
Just then, the door to the classroom creaked open, and in walked Sarah from their physics class. Tyler immediately sat up straighter, his heart racing. Nakshatra, seeing the opportunity for a classic bro moment, leaned in and whispered, “Now’s your chance. Hit her with some science.”
Tyler, panicked, blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "Hey, Sarah! Did you know that if you fell into a black hole, time would slow down for you, but the universe would continue aging? So technically, you’d be like... younger than everyone else by the time you got out?"
Nakshatra facepalmed so hard it echoed through the room.
Sarah blinked, clearly confused. “Uh... cool?” she said before awkwardly walking out, leaving the two nerds in silence.
Tyler turned to Nakshatra, dejected. “I divided by zero again, didn’t I?”
Nakshatra nodded solemnly. “Metaphorically speaking... yes. Yes, you did.”
Comments