Anonymous
High School
October 2024
A week after the infamous black hole pickup line incident, Tyler and Nakshatra found themselves in their usual spot: the library's math section, surrounded by books so thick, they could double as self-defense weapons.
“Okay,” Tyler said, setting down his calculator like it was a medieval sword. “What if… we created our own secret formula for the perfect sandwich?”
Nakshatra glanced up from his notebook. “Are you seriously trying to use calculus… to make lunch?”
“Bro,” Tyler said dramatically, “math is life. Food is just a very delicious variable.”
Nakshatra rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine. But if we’re doing this, we’re doing it right.” He snatched a marker and headed toward the whiteboard in the corner. “We’ll use the formula for optimization.”
Tyler’s eyes widened. “Maximizing flavor while minimizing effort?”
Nakshatra nodded sagely. “Exactly. It’s all about efficiency. Bread to ingredient ratio, heat distribution… we need to quantify everything.”
Tyler grinned like a kid on Christmas. “This is why we’re best friends.”
Nakshatra looked up, pretending to be thoughtful. “Or maybe it’s because we’re the only two people in this school who think building a better sandwich is more important than, you know, social interaction.”
Tyler shrugged. “Eh. Social interaction is overrated. Sandwiches, though? Eternal.”
Nakshatra nodded. “Can’t argue with that logic. Now, let’s get serious. What’s our baseline? Turkey? Ham?”
“Ham feels too… basic,” Tyler mused. “We need something with layers. Complex flavors.”
Nakshatra snapped his fingers. “Bacon.”
“Yes!” Tyler agreed. “But wait! Not just bacon. Crispy bacon. None of that chewy nonsense.”
Nakshatra started scribbling equations, narrating his process like a professor at a prestigious lecture. “So, crispy bacon introduces a coefficient of crunch… but we’ll need to balance it with softness—perhaps an avocado?”
“Avocado’s a good call,” Tyler said. “It adds the smoothness factor, balancing the crunch without overpowering the flavor matrix.”
Nakshatra paused, then shot Tyler a proud look. “You’ve grown so much, man. You’re like… the Newton of lunch.”
Tyler sniffled dramatically. “It’s because I learned from the best. You’re like my mathematical Yoda.”
They locked eyes for a moment in pure nerd appreciation, a single tear threatening to fall from Tyler’s eye. The emotional weight of their intellectual bromance hung heavy in the air.
But the moment was cut short when Sarah (yes, that Sarah) walked by, shooting them a curious glance. “Are you two seriously… doing math? For a sandwich?”
Tyler immediately panicked. Nakshatra, sensing another opportunity for Tyler to divide by zero socially, jumped in with a quick save.
“Uh, yeah. We’re… innovators. Sandwich innovators.” Nakshatra adjusted his glasses, trying to look professional, which was difficult when you were surrounded by diagrams of bread and bacon with labels like “tangential cheese coefficient.”
Sarah raised an eyebrow. “That’s… cool, I guess?” She paused for a second, as if debating whether to engage with them further, and then, deciding against it, continued walking.
Tyler let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Dude, why does she always show up when I’m doing something weird?”
Nakshatra smirked. “I think it’s just the universe’s way of keeping you humble.”
“More like keeping me single,” Tyler muttered, staring down at his graph of sandwich layers. “You think Einstein had this problem?”
Nakshatra rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I mean, Einstein was married twice. Maybe the secret to romance is math.”
Tyler’s eyes lit up. “Are you saying… if we solve enough math problems together, we could both get girlfriends?”
Nakshatra gave him a look. “No, Tyler. I’m saying we’ll probably remain single but be able to make really good sandwiches.”
Tyler seemed to ponder this for a moment before nodding. “Honestly, that’s fine by me.”
Suddenly, Nakshatra’s eyes gleamed with mischief. “Hey, speaking of equations, I think I’ve got an idea. You know how you keep crashing and burning with Sarah? What if we worked out an algorithm for the perfect conversation?”
Tyler blinked. “Like, a formula? For talking?”
Nakshatra grinned. “Exactly. We’d factor in variables like humor, relatability, maybe even a little mystery. We could calculate the optimal amount of eye contact per second.”
Tyler’s face lit up. “Bro… that’s genius. We could call it… The Bromance Algorithm.”
Nakshatra nodded, completely serious now. “It’ll revolutionize social interaction. Instead of awkward small talk, we’ll have pure, mathematically optimized conversation.”
“Should we patent this?” Tyler asked, eyes wide with ambition.
“First, we need to test it out. You know, like a beta version.”
Tyler leaned forward, intrigued. “Who’s our test subject?”
Nakshatra smirked. “You, obviously. Sarah’s your lab experiment. We’ll fine-tune the variables until you finally have a normal conversation with her.”
Tyler gulped, both terrified and excited. “Alright. I’m in. For science.”
“For bromance,” Nakshatra corrected.
They high-fived, their palms connecting with a satisfying slap. Somewhere in the distance, the universe shifted slightly to make room for whatever nerdy chaos they were about to unleash.
To continued…
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