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Writer's pictureThe Write Way SVA Literary Magazine
Feb 275 min read

Are Romantic Relationships in High School Healthy?

Joshua Garvey

High School Sophomore

February 2024

Prompt: Is it worth having a relationship in high school and why?


Love, specifically the romantic kind, is often claimed to be one of, if not the most important aspects of life. It is often described as having similar features to deep understanding of your partner on equal grounds. They are often someone you rally behind and support unconditionally, assuming the relationship is healthy. This sense of importance defines it as an issue many have a hard time solving, and the unpredictability of this deep emotion generates an even deeper level of confusion. Thus knowing how to act in a long-term relationship like marriage requires some experience. Highschoolers often illustrate these stepping-stones into long term partnerships through boyfriend-girlfriend settings in which the expectation of selecting your life partner is diminished greatly. It is in these fleeting relationships that one learns how to act towards their partner through a much milder form of trial and error. These relationships benefit all participants due to establishing principles to act by; learning where boundaries lie and how to defend them; though highschoolers may find themselves stressed trying to find a stable balance between their schoolwork, extracurriculars, and peer pressures at the same time.


Having a basic understanding of how to act towards their interest is a defining factor in whether or not the relationship will last. “It is easy to assume that good relationships just happen, but nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, we have to cultivate and nurture our relationships. If we don’t they will suffer from neglect, even if it’s unintentional.” stated Dr. J. Lebron McBride in his Eight Principles for Stronger Relationships. Many professionals with PhDs in Behavioral Medicine agree that basic behaviors to fall back on day to day are important. These are things that many discover through the less-stressful experience of high school romance. While almost everyone has heard the phrase “love takes work,” few actually take this into consideration and apply it to their relationships. Without what essentially acts as a cushion, many more marriages would fall apart than already do. Many marriages, according to Christy Beiber’s Leading Causes of Divorce: 43% Report Lack of Family Support, already highlight this. One of the main points, seen in the initial summary on this report, remarks “63% of divorcees believe a better understanding of the commitments of marriage could have helped them to avoid divorce.” These understandings have their roots in short-term relationships meant to promote growth in the field towards eventual long-term commitments.


Furthermore, the emphasis of boundaries in a marriage, or even just a boyfriend-girlfriend romance, aids in preventing collapse. “When it comes to your life as a couple, consider that there are actually three entities involved: yourself, your partner, and the relationship itself -- and boundaries need to be defined for each.” observed Dr. Jacqui Gabb, a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University. The definition of lines that the other person can not cross helps establish a sense of being two individual human beings while still connecting on a fundamental level. Additionally, not all boundaries involve not searching each other’s phones. According to Dr. J. Lebron McBride, “Couples should also set boundaries between work life and couple life.” A common mistake illustrated by couples with little previous romantic experience. This can also present itself in knowledgable couples, making this an important boundary to establish early on and maintain throughout the partnership, regardless of the intended length of the relationship.


However, high school students who engage in romantic relationships often are met with heartbreak and drama, making it damaging to their mental health as they wrestle with jealousy, communication issues, and outside pressures. Without the knowledge on how to act, many act overly possessive over their significant other with little room left for trust. “They tend to be jealous at this age, looking at each other’s phones and personal lives, trying to control who their partner spends time with. This behavior is a sign of insecurity rather than genuine affection, and often leads to unhealthy power struggles.” noted RaFa Psychology in the document Why High School Students Shouldn’t Date | Relationships At School. Often in high school, students in love feel like they should prevent anyone else from having any sort of potential chance to steal their partner away. This hinders growth on both sides, and even withers the relationship. However, it is through this struggle and misunderstanding of love that true understanding emerges. Consider the popular saying of “You learn through mistakes,” and when applied to this issue, we see that learning what disassembles the romance actually promotes the qualities of healthy dynamics later on. Communication is another horribly underdeveloped aspect of early relationships in middle school and high school. In the same paper, RaFa Psychology also argues “Communication is key in any relationship, and most students have not developed this skill yet. They find it difficult to express their feelings or needs, which often leads to hurt feelings and confusion. They also find it difficult to adequately resolve disputes.” While there might not exist communicational intelligence within student couples, through conversations with their partner they learn what exactly to say and how to get their message across effectively. Even still, pressures like school and sports dictated the lives of the lovebirds much longer than their romance. These pressures do not dissipate simply because of the relationship, becoming exaggerated through the additional obligation to your loved one. Furthermore, there’s always the concern of conflict between friend groups, who can turn into a gang of bullies towards the opposite partner due to drama and stress.


We must additionally consider when a relationship becomes unhealthy due to a variety of factors including family discord, immature participants, or even pressures to take things too far. For one, divorced families often create unsafe environments for young romantics, leading to a lack of regulation and advice for how to handle situations. Additionally, these children often invest too much into their relationships, which can lead to an unhealthy obsession with their partner to the point where a breakup will lead to physical, mental, and emotional neglect. Dark, but necessary to highlight. Immature participants can also lead to a horribly unhealthy romance, considering their inability to make accurate judgment calls. If they suddenly have access to so many options that such romance provides, they could easily overindulge. This isn’t helped by the fact that often outside influences such as peers and friends often pressure the pair to take things further than they already are. Several give in to this pressure and make choices that they can’t undo.


To conclude, there are many benefits in having relationships in high school, and just as many concerns that may arise from this topic. Both opinions are equally valid and there is something to be said for caution in the tumultuous times of teenagehood. However, there are benefits to permitting a healthy, regulated relationship that can be monitored and guided by adults, preferably the parents or close guardians of the partners. Even still, the participants have the imperative need to stay mature and moderate in these romances, and it is their responsibility to ensure escalation is reduced and stagnated down the path of incident.



Works Cited:


https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2003/0700/p80.html - Eight Principles for Stronger Relationships




https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/common-causes-divorce/ - Leading Causes of Divorce: 43% Report Lack of Family Support

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